


Back-up Plan

by lanalucy



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Conversations, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, Gen, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Male-Female Friendship, Strap-Ons, Texts From Last Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2018-01-08 02:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1127378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanalucy/pseuds/lanalucy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: textsfromlastnight: “I’m over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I’m going back to hot girls with strap-ons.”</p><p>Thanks to newnumbertwo for the beta! {hugs}</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back-up Plan

“I’m over my straight phase. They all turn out to be idiots, and none of them get me off. I’m going back to hot girls with strap-ons.”

Helo nearly spit out what passed for coffee these days, and glanced wide-eyed at Kara, who had her chin in her hand and was looking off into the distance. She didn’t even seem to notice her non-sequitur. The wheels in his brain spun frantically, trying to come up with an answer that would keep her talking. This had the potential to be fascinating.

“Lot of hot girls with strap-ons available, Kara?”

“Not as many as I’d like,” Kara answered. “Hot girls, sure. Strap-ons, not so much. Though I do have my own, so that’s not really a problem.”

“Do tell.” Even if he did have a girlfriend, the image of Kara wearing a strap-on was pretty damned appealing.

“Well, there were some, before the Cylons attacked. Fewer now, but gods, even an inept attempt from a newbie is better than some jackass who thinks pinching my nipples passes for foreplay. I mean a chick at least knows that a girl likes some tongue.”

“Hmmm.” Yeah. Kara liked tongue, all right. “Maybe you just need to pick better guys.”

“Not so many to choose from anymore, Helo. The ones I know that are even halfway decent in bed have girlfriends or wives now. Or worse, boyfriends.”

 _Who had Kara frakked that turned out to be gay? I must’ve missed something while I was stuck on Caprica._ “Not a single guy left that strikes your fancy, Kara?”

“None that the Kara Thrace charm works on. Men are so clueless these days. Like all they can think about is work.”

 _Sounds like someone specific._ “I thought they were all selfish dicks with no thought for pleasuring their partners?”

“Huh?” Kara looked at him. “Oh, yeah. Bad in bed. That’s what I meant. What’d I say?”

“Oh, nothing. So...which group do I fall into?”

Kara turned to him and laughed. “Karl, you were always an exception. You take direction very well. You’ll make somebody a great wife someday. Unfortunately, _I_ can’t frak you anymore, Helo, because you are built to satisfy.”

He ignored that last bit. “Nothing wrong with making sure she comes first.”

“That’s exactly my point!”

Actually, he was pretty sure Kara had lost the point of the conversation.

“So hot girls with strap-ons is the answer, huh?”

“What? Oh, uh, yeah. Hot girls. Strap-ons.”

He lowered his voice to the soothing tone he knew Kara responded well to. “You know, Kara, if you want Lee to frak you, maybe you should just come right out and tell him.”

“Yeah,” she said absently. “He’d be a hell of a ride. There's a man who's good with his tongue, judging by his kissing.”

_Kara and Lee kissing? He really had missed something._

“Too bad he’s stupid.”

“CAG’s stupid, huh?”

“Completely oblivious. I mean, I wore a dress and everything, for gods’ sakes.”

He called to mind the two or three times, ever, he'd seen her in a dress and wondered if Lee Adama was blind. He bumped his shoulder into hers. “You want me to beat him up?”

“That’s sweet, Helo, but I like you. He’d slaughter you in an all-out fight. You’ve got the longer reach, but Lee is a tank. Solid muscle.”

She’d practically moaned out that last part, and Karl was having way too much fun. “You think all of him’s solid?”

“Like a rock.”

“Bet that’d be better than a strap-on.” He tried really hard to keep his mind on Kara in a strap-on rather than Lee Adama naked.

“No doubt. But I have a better chance of scoring with you than with Lee Adama.”

 _Pretty sure you have a much better chance with Lee Adama, Kara._ He had to think back. Remember the first time he’d seen the Captain in the Ready Room before the Cylons had attacked. He hadn’t seen them together until Kara had brought him back from Caprica, but he was fairly certain that when he’d come around the corner with Sharon, Lee had been kissing her. _Is that what she was talking about? ‘Cause that didn’t seem like much of a kiss to me. Or had she…_ “So, Kara, when was the first time you kissed Lee?”

“The night I met him, and frak he can kiss.”

 _Oh, really?_ “So maybe you should just lay one on him. Forget about all the flirting and fighting and the other things that pass for foreplay with you and just back him into a bulkhead and kiss him until he gets a clue.”

“You think that’d work?”

“Worked on me, didn’t it?”

Kara snickered. “Anything would have worked on you, Helo. You were not subtle about wanting into my pants. And since I wanted you...well, it was win-win.”

“You can say that again.” He shook the thought away. He wasn’t entirely certain that Sharon couldn’t read his mind. “You could always try it. If it doesn’t work, climb naked into his rack. If he can resist you naked in his rack, then there’s something seriously wrong with him.”

“Hmm. Maybe I could try that. Not too many ways he can misinterpret that.” Kara wandered off, which she sometimes did. One of her more endearing traits.

The next time he saw her, she was walking funny and wearing a grin. She walked up, pulled his ear down to her level and said, “Maybe I’ll save the hot chicks with strap-ons for a back-up plan.” She kissed his cheek and sauntered off, and Karl watched her go, shaking his head and grinning.


End file.
